I have suffered from bipolar for a couple of years – on and off… It feels almost silly to describe bipolar depression as ‘on and off’ because that’s exactly what it is. One minute I’m ‘depressed,’ the next I’m fine. Well, maybe not. But, you know what I mean. My mood can change – I have gone through phases of crying, hating myself, thinking suicidal thoughts, day in day out for months at a time; and then periods of relative happiness.
Which do I prefer? The latter, of course.
Where I am right now, I’m content. However, the issue is that for me, content is not good enough. Again, that sounds bad. Obviously, I would rather be content than miserable, but why settle for OK when you can have AMAZING?! That’s my question, and that’s my quest.
I hope that I can make at least one person happy (even if that one person is myself) then at least I’ve made one positive change in the world.
So, I would say I’ve been ‘off’ bipolar for almost a year now. I stopped taking prozac last April (2011) and, although I’ve had some slip ups along the way, I have been OK for the majority.
I’ve read a lot of self-help books (Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway is a major recommendation, and I hear that Counselling for Toads is fantastically metaphoric but useful too), I try to see the positives in every situation, and I just remind myself that…
Every cloud has a silver lining.
Love, hugs, peace and health. Xo